


Story Of My Life

by lillyluna



Category: Swimming RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 19:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1196658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillyluna/pseuds/lillyluna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've been waiting for this phone call for weeks and Michael still has no idea how to help Ryan through it. </p>
<p>In which Ryan's father dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Story Of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> The story of my life  
> I take her home  
> I drive all night to keep her warm
> 
> I don't even have an excuse for being inspired by a 1D song. I'm sorry.

The phone call wakes them up in the middle of the night. When he opens his eyes to see Ryan on the phone, Michael wishes he’d remembered to take Ryan’s cellphone off his bedside table. 

Ryan nods instead of talking, a habit that usually drives Michael crazy but that tonight just breaks his heart. He watches Ryan’s face and knows what’s happening before Ryan says anything which is good because once Ryan hangs up he doesn’t talk at all. 

“If you want to go home.” Michael says quietly, speaking of Florida “I’ll drive.” 

“There’s like…” Ryan shakes his head and rubs his hands against his face, wiping his eyes, “No point… I mean it’s like…” 

Ryan sits cross-legged on their bed, his head hanging down not really looking at Michael or at anything really. The sheets around him are rustled from where he’d been sleeping. 

Michael knows Ryan is exhausted and even though he knows it couldn’t be helped he hates whoever had decided to wake him up in the middle of the night instead of waiting for morning. 

“Ry. We leave now” Michael says, “and we’ll be there. I can call and get a jet. I can…” 

Michael doesn’t know what Ryan needs or what Ryan wants. Michael’s good at coming up with solutions; he’s great at making plans with steps that are tangible and real. Pack. Get in the car. Call the company. Get a jet. 

“We don’t even have to pack. We have stuff in Daytona.” Michael tries to convince Ryan. 

Lately Ryan hasn’t been into plans. Lately Ryan doesn’t seem to know where he wants to be or what he wants to do. Michael’s watched his husband, a usually self-assured and confident person just close in on himself. He’s watched him withdraw from their friends and from his own life. He’s noticed that Ryan just follows now. Ryan follows him to the gym, to the grocery store and follows him from room to room when they’re home. It’s just not that Michael realizes that Ryan had known the phone call was coming and hadn’t wanted to be alone when it did. 

“Maybe he’ll get better.” Michael offers quietly, “Like it’s just a bad night.” 

Ryan glares at him accusingly and Michael knows it’s not because Ryan doesn’t want it to be true. He knows that Ryan wants nothing more than to believe him but that Ryan knows false hope is ridiculous at this point. 

“We can stay here.” Michael tells him, “You don’t have to go.” 

What Michael wants to do, above anything else, is keep Ryan safe. They’d moved back to Baltimore after months of living in Florida when Michael had refused to watch Ryan become his family’s rock. 

“We can stay here.” Michael repeats. He wraps an arm around Ryan shoulders bringing him in closer to his chest. “You have sleeping pills and I’ll answer the phone.” 

Ryan still doesn’t reply so Michael stops talking. He takes the phone out of Ryan’s hand and pulls the covers back over Ryan’s legs because it’s cold even inside their house. He silently begs for Oliver to sleep through this. 

“I have to be there.” Ryan says finally. His voice is too deep and too serious, “I have to be there like I-” 

“Ok.” Michael says relieved because this is something he can handle. “Get dressed I just have to call-” 

“I don’t want to wake up your mom to drop Ols off.” Ryan complains, “It’s the middle of-” 

“He’s coming with us.” Michael decides, “I’ll get him ready.” 

“I can do it.” Ryan pushes the covers back off, “I’ll get some diapers and-” 

“Just put juice in the diaper bag. We have everything else.” Michael tells him, “You don’t have to do anything just-” 

Ryan’s cellphone interrupts him. Michael looks down at the caller ID and sees Devon’s name. He answers before Ryan can reach for it. 

“Hey.” He says. He reaches for the blankets one more time and puts them over Ryan. 

“Can you gimme Ry?” Devon asks and Michael knows he’s been crying too. 

“We’re on our way.” Michael answers instead of obeying, “We’ll see you in-” 

“I’m at the hospital.” Devon manages to say, “And dad can’t like talk… He’s not awake but if Ry wants to… Like talk to him if he’s not gonna… I thought he should do it like…” 

“We’re on our way Dev.” Michael doesn’t want to hand the phone over to Ryan because he doubts Ryan can comfort anyone right now. 

“Lemme talk to Ry.” Devon asks again, “No offense but you’re not.” 

Michael knows he isn’t. 

“Just don’t….” He wants to tell Devon to not expect Ryan to make things better but he knows that’s what Ryan does. That Ryan will shoulder Devon’s pain without even thinking about it. 

“Lemme talk to DC.” Ryan asks from his spot on the bed. He holds his hand out for the phone. “You’re not-” 

Michael hands the phone over and gets out of bed. He doesn’t want to leave the room but his phone is charging in the kitchen and it holds all the numbers he needs to get them to Florida as fast as possible. 

While he’s on hold he walks through the house gathering things; Ryan’s wallet, their key sets, Oliver’s passport and all the diaper bag. He knows his mom will take care of the dogs 

Once their flight is taken care of, Michael walks back to their bedroom. 

“We can leave as soon as we get to the airport.” He tells Ryan walking in. He heads over to his dresser and grabs a clean shirt and a pair of shorts. He jams both in his travel bag and picks up a few more items from Ryan’s drawer. “You ready?” 

“I don’t want this to be real.” 

Ryan talks a lot and usually most of it doesn’t make sense. He rattles on constantly about what’s on his mind with seemingly no filter. Over the years Michael’s learned to tune most of it out, to pick up when he hears important words but to ignore the ten minute long soliloquies Ryan can go on about anything from manatees to MMA cage fights. 

Sometimes Ryan doesn’t talk at all and in those times Michael listens to every word. 

They’ve known this night was coming for months. They’ve had warning and the social worker at the hospital had handed them flyers on grieving and terminal illness. They’d had as many good times with Ryan’s family as they could before things had really started to deteriorate.   
“We can stay here.” Michael offers one last time because if it’s what Ryan wants he’s willing to turn the phones off and go back to bed. To not deal with reality until they have to. 

“No.” Ryan shakes his head, “I gotta be there.” 

Michael remembers watching Ryan’s parents in Beijing. Their moms liked to sit next to each other. He remembers watching Steven palm Ryan’s head and ruffle his hair. He remembers how proud Steven had looked and he remembers feeling jealous. He remembers how terrified Ryan had been to come out to his dad how convinced Ryan had been that he’d somehow let him down. That Steven would have kicked him out or shut him out. 

Michael remembers how in the end Ryan’s dad hadn’t cared because he loved Ryan more than he believed in anything else. 

It takes them twenty minutes to pack up Oliver and get to the airport. Michael doesn’t think of the food that’s going to rot in the refrigerator or the meetings he has at Meadowbrooks the next day. He doesn’t bother to change out of his sweat pants or to get Oliver out of his pajamas. 

Oliver sleeps through the flight and only wakes up when the plane hits the runway in Florida.

Michael drives straight from the airstrip near Daytona to the hospital. He doesn’t follow Ryan into the room because he knows it’s not his place. Instead he puts Oliver down on the floor the waiting room next to Ryan’s nephews and digs through the diaper bag for some juice and a baggy of cheerios. 

Oliver busies himself for five minutes before he starts looking for Ryan. When Ryan walks back in the room twenty minutes later, Oliver makes a beeline for him. 

“You okay?” Michael knows it’s a stupid question but he asks it anyways, “Need anything?” 

“I wanna bring him in.” Ryan says like he’s asking permission, “I know he won’t get it but like I just want my dad to know he’s here.” 

Ryan stares at the ceiling while he talks and Oliver reaches to pull his face back down. 

“Yeah.” Michael gets up and walks over to the both of them. He kisses Oliver’s brown curls before he kisses Ryan. “I’m here.” 

It’s mid afternoon when the hospital chaplain stops in the waiting room and slowly all the members of Ryan’s family file back in. Ryan sits next to Michael on the sunken sofa and Devon sits down next to him even though the couch isn’t meant for three adults. 

“It’s okay Doggy.” Michael says quietly. He has no idea what to say to make Ryan hurt less. 

Ryan just nods. 

“We’ll go home.” Michael keeps talking because he figures it can’t hurt. That Ryan might want to know that he has a plan and that he’s taking care of him, “We’ll bring Devon.” 

“Dada.” Oliver says from Michael’s lap, reaching for Ryan. 

“Dad’s sad.” Michael explains to Oliver in a low voice. “Can you give him a hug?” 

“Yeah Gator.” Ryan’s voice sounds broken, “C’mere.”

Oliver is independent and doesn’t usually like being held. He likes to walk and explore but this time he doesn’t protest. 

“Dada.” He says again once he’s in Ryan’s arms. He pats Ryan’s cheeks with his hands before leaning in to kiss him. 

“Thanks.” Ryan says, “I love you too.” 

Half an hour later, Michael discovered that they’d parked illegally. He rips the ticket off the windshield before Ryan can see it and opens the backseat door to strap Oliver in his car seat. 

Instead of getting in the car Ryan leans against his door. 

“We’re twenty minutes from home.” Michael tells Ryan, walking around the car to be closer to him, “You can go to bed.” 

“Where’s Devon?” Ryan asks. 

“His girlfriend was here. She’s driving him to their place.” 

“I gotta make sure he’s okay.” Ryan insists, “Can we like-” 

“That’s her job.” Michael opens Ryan’s door, “She’s got him. I got you. We’ll see them later.”

Oliver falls asleep on the drive home but Ryan doesn’t. Michael reaches across the center console to hold his hand. His mind works a mile a minute trying to think of what to say. 

“Your dad was like.” Michael tries once they’re at a red light, “Really proud of you.” 

Ryan just shakes his head and Michael watches him squeeze his eyes shut. 

“I don’t know what to say Ry.” He admits, “I want to fix it.” 

The light turns green and Michael takes a turn onto the main roads that leads to the gated community where they live. The sun is blazing down and the water looks inviting. It’s the type of day they’d usually spend out on the beach with Oliver. 

“I miss him.” Ryan says. 

“We got you.”


End file.
